Self-awareness is the first step in making a change in your life. All day, everyday we are listening to an inner conversation that is quite often very destructive. We talk to ourselves, at times, in a way we would never allow another person to talk to us. In truth, that inner conversation, as insignificant as you think it may be, plays a large role in who we are and what we will become.
What would you think if I told you that everyday you are actively sabotaging your own dreams, careers, relationships, and successes? Would you believe me? Can you, perhaps, think of recent examples?
Blame, excuses, and avoidance are just a few examples of the ways we defeat our own potentials and snuff out what could have been. Think of a challenge that’s come up for you, that’s caused you worry and stress lately. Whose fault was it? Are you taking ownership in cooperative resolutions and positive outcomes? Are you truly choosing the most healthy way to move through this hardship?
I was taught that, no matter the circumstance, I must find at least 1% responsibility for any pain that exists inside me in order to fully heal. Can you do that in this example you’ve brought to mind?
I know it’s difficult, but sometimes my ownership exists simply in the way I allow the negativity to carry on.
When I find myself blaming or making excuses, no matter how innocent I was or how guilty the offender, I am avoiding taking responsibility of my own personal health and I am allowing the wrongs of others in the past to affect my life here and now. And, consequently I’m allowing that pain to control my future. I’m letting it play out over and over in my head, and I’m often not even in touch with how it owns me and my perspective.
A coach of mine once told me it’s like drinking poison everyday and hoping someone else will get sick.
So, today, watch closely as your thoughts whir around inside you. What are you feeding your psyche?
The stories we unconsciously tell throughout the day, when destructive, hurt us more deeply and more lastingly than anything we hear from the outside.
And so many of us are not even aware that WE are the problem!
So what stories have you been telling yourself that are possibly hindering you today? Read through these ideas and see if you can relate to any:
1. If I do it, it has to be perfect.
Look at what you set yourself up for with this belief! You are likely to never enjoy a single thing you do with that kind of pressure. And your expectations of yourself are guaranteeing you will feel unsuccessful and like you’re never enough
And what about your relationships with others? Because if you expect this from yourself, you will naturally believe others should be perfect too. The joy is in the journey, right? That will never be your experience if you go into everything in life with the goal of being perfect.
2. I’m not good enough.
Self esteem is a hard one. How do you change a lacking self worth?
Find people who seem to have already “got it” and follow what they are doing. Be careful not to start comparing yourself. Just observe and try on something you see them doing that you think will have a positive effect on your own self image. Maybe it’s exercise, a social engagement, or dressing up for a day.
Fake it till you make it!
3. I’ll never be able to do that.
Recognize the lie in this one. Every single successful person on this planet has failed too many times to count.
That old cliché is true: You can do anything you put your mind to.
You just have to promise yourself going in that you refuse to give up, no matter what. And look at all failures as being necessary to get you to your dream.
4. I am broke.
If you are 100% determined with any goal, nothing will get in your way. Believe me on this one. Money is not a prerequisite to success. Successful people were prosperous before they had the money. Wealth follows success, not the other way around.
You don’t need money to be a billionaire or to have financial confidence. You just need success.
5. I’m too busy.
This one is one I hear so much. And this is one I have told myself on numerous occasions too.
We all feel like we have no time, yet what are you doing right now? Browsing around on Facebook, right?
If you can find time in your busy schedule for YouTube, Netflix, Instagram and so on, then you honestly do have time to study that thing you want to do or to build a business/start a project that makes you feel accomplished.
I have 5 kids and 3 businesses. If I hear myself saying I am too busy for something, I stop and think… is it because I just don’t want to do it? Am I not interested? Or is it something deeper that is holding me back?
6. I’m not young enough anymore.
You’re still breathing, right? If your mind is still working, you have time to reach for your dreams. Have you given up on having financial freedom because you feel like it’s too late? Is there something you want to learn but you put it, defeated?
Recognize this excuse and push past it. It’s never too late to begin.
7. I just don’t know where to start.
It doesn’t matter. You just start on what looks right today. And then, one step at a time, you move forward. It’s your dream! So you get to decide the steps and in what order they come anyway.
If you’re headed in the direction of your dreams, you will have many beginnings, so start with the one that looks good and just go.
8. I don’t have enough education.
In today’s world especially, you don’t need a traditional college degree to become something special. If you feel like you do need that, then stop wasting time and energy talking yourself down, and enroll somewhere.
Trade schools can take just weeks to obtain certifications.
And Google has lots to teach us.
9. It is too overwhelming.
One day at a time, one step at a time you can achieve anything you decide to take on.
Have you ever heard, ‘who you become while you achieve something is more important than what you achieve?’
If it overwhelms you, cut it into small steps… then smaller ones… and then even smaller ones. Dissect your mission and carve out tiny achievable tasks that you can start checking off your list. Nothing is too big. It’s all just tiny steps lined up next to one another.
It is important to see the ‘big picture,’ but once you know your endpoint, reverse engineer it to the single small tasks that are necessary and start with one.
You’ll be surprised at the progress you make when you stay in the moment and avoid letting the enormity of your dreams intimidate you
Dream and dream huge, guys! And keep your attention on any negative self talk, blame, excuses, resentment… You have a better future ahead of you than any of that can give you.